pathetic

Let me talk about the job and the people I'm training with.

I mentioned about hating the workplace, the job and the people on my last blog post in September. I haven't changed my mind. I still hate the workplace, the job and the people.

I did not wish to apply to the company but I'm running out of options. It's almost Christmas holidays and I need money, so I took my parents' advise and went ahead and apply in the company. Did I enjoy applying there? No. Did I find the place nice enough for me to stay long? No. Did I find anything to make me stay at all? No. I have no reason to stay. But I have to because right now, that's the only option I have. It doesn't make sense, I know. I can't find any sense in what I'm doing, honestly. My life has been pretty meaningless for sometime now. :|

The job. Goodness. The repetitive job that I'm trying to avoid has come haunting me. I do not wish to do any of the things we're training for. I left my previous job because it's stressful and repetitive. But here I am, trying to stomach this training and make it look like I'm so happy I'm part of this training class? WTF AM I DOING REALLY? I am torturing myself. I just can't stand doing it but I keep doing it. I'm a masochist. A freakin' stupid masochist.

The people. Our class is somewhat divided. There's the noisy, perverted, happy standouts and there's the quiet, nicer ones. Guess what? I don't belong to any of each. I go solo. They have their own people to go with and I walk alone. I am the weird and odd one who doesn't talk at all. But I don't hate it. They might judge me as a loner, a freak but I don't really care. I don't trust people anymore. I've been through so much from my previous workplace that I don't know who to trust anymore. And this environment that I am in, it's almost the same one I left. :|

And the topics that these people are talking about are disturbing and disgusting. They keep talking about personal issues or their personal lives. It is called "personal" for a reason. Why do you have to tell everyone about something that's not supposed to be said? Why do you have to force people to talk about something they don't want to talk about? Something that only people they're close with are supposed to know? Is it mandatory to tell everyone about your sex life? And if you don't tell stories, you're a loser? Where are we? In Highschool?

I just don't get it. What is this mentality? I can't stand it. That's why I don't laugh at jokes. I do sometimes but very, very rare times. I just don't understand it and I don't want any of it. I can stomach it for a month, maybe two but that's my limit. I have to find a better job than this. I don't ever want to come back to this nature of job. I don't think I deserve to be in this field of work. No matter how capable I am. This is really hell on earth for me. :|