unhappy

This is the state of mind that I hate the most. I AM UNHAPPY.

I don't like the workplace, I don't like the job, I don't like most of the people in the job as well. It's not gonna be an easy ride for me. I have 4 more weeks to go after I'm done this week and I'm not sure I can stomach everything till then. :( It's a pathetic job with a pathetic pay. I can actually sit here all night in front of the PC and teach English to Japanese and earn slightly more than what I'd get from that job. -__-

But I had to apply because my parents are itching to get rid of me, not really get rid of me entirely but just not see me 24 hours a day, as they've had for 4-5 months now. They're pretty sick of me sitting/lying in my room with my laptop in front of me and not earning a single cent. I'm getting sick of it myself to be honest but I'd rather do that than stay in that company and hate myself for the rest of my life.

Well, this sucks. Life sucks. I've been having a shitty life for a while now and I'm tired of it. I'm  not suicidal so no, I'm not going to end my life. I'm just tired of being like this. But I, myself, have no idea where to start. I went into a different line of work just because I needed and wanted to earn money so where did it take me? NOWHERE. -__- I hate my life.

Sometimes, I just wish some stupid, rich foreigner would gain interest in me, enough to marry me and just take me out of this place and let me live a luxurious life without even lifting a finger on anything. I wish for so many things but I can't make it happen because I don't have an idea where I have to begin. Ugh. This rant is depressing.

And this fangirling, this is the only way I can forget about how pathetic my life has gotten. But it's not good for the wallet. Fangirling, I mean. :| I should probably just put myself on sale or something, maybe some old man will pick me and decide to give me tons of money for me to use in fangirling. LOL. That's ew. Ew. Ew. xD

I'm not sure if I can last in this job. This isn't a job for me, this is HELL on earth. This industry, in general, for me, is hell. A lot of perverted and rude people, which I do not like. I was not raised to deal with these kind of people. I should have a better job, I should have better compensation but right now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck with these rude people who thinks you're a freakin' weirdo if you don't speak their way.

Ugh. Upsetting. I hate my life right now. Probably still gonna hate it more in the coming days. Oh FUN.

Babies :)

I'm sorry if I haven't posted in a while, dear blog. I really had nothing much to post about these past few days. I've finished The Vampire Diaries 1&2 and also episode 1 of season 3 and now I want to rewatch everything because I already miss it and I don't know what to do because episode 2 is yet to air. Damon has a lot to do with it. xD I've become a full pledged Damon fangirl. [Sorry Stefan, there's just a lot of things about Damon that makes me want/like him more.. xD Apparently, Elena refuse to see that.. xD]

Anyways, I haven't mentioned it yet, but we have a new baby in the house. \o/ We finally have a baby boy. Not my baby but my eldest sister's baby. I have 3 nieces [2 from eldest sister and 1 from my brother] and this baby makes it our first baby boy in the family. :) I will post pictures of my 3 nieces and my nephew. 8) I may be answering some random 'about myself' meme in the future, if I get more bored than I already am. xD

Here are the photos: [doing this by age]

Chesca

Yoan

Chesca is my eldest sister's elder daughter, if you know what I mean. She's my oldest niece at 11 years old. :) Yoan is 1 year and 11 months old. She's my brother's only baby. :)

Chiz

Bella

Bella is my eldest sister's 2nd baby. She's 1 year and 7 months old. And Chiz, our little boy, is my eldest sister's 3rd and last baby. He's 3 days old. :)

Ok, you know a bit about my family.. just a bit~ In the coming days, you might learn more about my 'big' family.. but for now, just look at our beautiful babies! :)

Still Watching

I am still watching Vampire Diaries. I have less than 24 hours to finish season 2 before the new season starts tomorrow. I can finish it, I know. I only have 10 episodes left to watch. x) Yes, that's all I do all day. xD Watch Vampire Diaries. And I have to say, both Elena and Katherine's character is pissing me off. It doesn't help that Nina Dobrev's lips bother me. :x This is an unpopular opinion, I know, cut me some slack and leave me alone.

And hmmm... the Salvatore brothers, I still like Damon more. :) Stefan seems so uptight and serious while Damon is the complete opposite. Plus I like Damon's puns, it makes me laugh. And his actions are really vampire-like. He also reminds me of why I liked Spike from Buffy. Not look wise but personality wise. Not that they're really similar. I did say 'remind'. xD

I have to get back to watching. I will be crazily blogging once I start working again. I assure you that.. xD

Marathon

Oh guess what? I've put watching any anime on hold because I am having another marathon. xD Which one? This one...

Yes, the Vampire Diaries. 8D I wasn't gonna try and watch it but I'm also curious why people loved the series so much. Plus I still haven't finished watching True Blood, so I'm not really fond of the idea of starting a new series to watch but still, I did. I know, I'm late but I'm trying to catch up. I'm currently at Season 1 Episode 12 and I still have 10 episodes in Season 1 and 22 episodes in Season 2 to go but I think I'm going to finish both seasons before Season 3 starts. So yay for me.

I like it. I really do. I'm part of the 'I love Vampire series, movies, books' club. xD And the casts are pretty on the eyes. 8D I like Damon. I liked him more than Stefan. I just thought he was more fun though sometimes a bit illogical. I also like Caroline. Well, not really Caroline but Candice Accola. I thought she's really pretty. Not a girl crush lol. I'm having issues with Nina Dobrev though. I think she's pretty, perfect for the role even but the way she talks, I mean her lips bother me. :x And Stefan [Paul Wesley] is hot. But I still think Damon [Ian Somerhalder] is hotter. xD

Okay, I'm going back to watching. xD Let me finish it before the next season starts tomorrow.

Confessions

Ok so I skipped a day. -__-

I have not been successful with my sorting either. I'm so lazy. Out of focus. Procrastinate a lot. A lot.

And I have read a lot of DBSK Confessions on tumblr. I will post some here and talk about my reaction after I read them. [photo credits: DBSK Confessions Tumblr]

"I think Jaejoong was hurt the most after what happened. He started losing weight and looked tired all the time. It really breaks my heart to see him like this."

I don't really like how the person who confessed this thinks of Jaejoong in her/his first sentence. Jaejoong isn't weak, he isn't strong either. But why do people think he is 'that' weak. Yes, Jaejoong was badly hurt but if anything, I think he was the strongest of the five. Because if not, he wouldn't be able to talk freely about what happened and how much he misses the other two. Yes, everyone was hurt but noone can know who got hurt the most unless we know the whole story, which sadly will never be told. :(

His health might have something to do with the split but it was not entirely or literally because of the split. He was really buff back when he was filming SunaNare and that was after the split. He didn't look tired even after filming the drama. He looked really good during the Thanksgiving concert and A-Nation. He started losing weight when they started doing the showcase, and he lost more right before the worldwide concert started. And now, he's losing more because of his drama. He only started to look tired when they started getting busy again. I remembered looking at him before the concert tour started and thinking he's so thin that he reminds me of his Rising Sun days. He might lose some more as they are still filming and he still gets less sleep than the others.

And yes, it does break my heart to see him how he is now, tired and thin but this is Jaejoong. He knows how to live healthy. He will be back in shape in no time. :) And I bet he knows how worried his fans are for his health so he's going to do something about it for sure. :) 

"I wonder if they'd ever had sex together."

I think it doesn't just speak of the 3, I think the person who confessed this meant it for the 5 of them. I was surprised when I first saw it but it really does make you wonder. I mean, it crossed my mind a lot of times too you know. They're 5 healthy young men who couldn't date freely if they want to and has 'urges'. And this is not because they're my OTP but when I read this, the first couple that came to mind was YunJae. xD I just had that weird feeling that if there's such a thing as members doing it, it would probably be them. xD Or maybe I read too much YunJae smut that it's eating my brains. xD

"I hate having to pretend I like Yunho everyday when deep inside I wish that he would show that he cared more about DBSK."

I was seriously shocked when I read this. Whoever confessed this is a big Yunho anti on the inside. What is wrong with you? What kind of world have you been living in? I get it that you dislike pretending you like him but to think that he doesn't care that much for DBSK, that's just BS. Yes, it didn't make me excited to know that him and Changmin decided to continue on as DBSK without the other 3 but did you even know why Yunho agreed to that? He wants to protect DBSK. He wants to keep it going as they wait for the other 3. He doesn't care? What makes you think he doesn't? Are you his conscience? -__- I wish people would just stop judging these boys based on what they think they know. They're much more passionate than people think. Yunho cares, ok? He cares so much that I know he's willing to do anything to protect the members. Fangirls believe this. I believe this. I believe in him. 

Ugh, that's about enough. I will do the same thing later or maybe tomorrow. I'd be doing an AKB48 Confessions reaction too. :) /goes back to watching Vampire Diaries lol

Busy

I'm a little busy. A little.

I wasn't able to post anything yesterday because I didn't have enough time to type anything. When I was able to get on in the morning, I still tried to fix this blog. By fix, I just meant the music. I added a few more music from Yiruma. :) I was also busy taking care of my niece since my mother had to cook lunch for us. By afternoon, I wasn't able to do much because a friend came over. :) She left at 5pm and that's when I turned off my laptop. And during the night, I was too sleepy to type. -__-; I was also sorting a few picture files that I've not sorted since January I think. And it amounts to 12K+. ;___;

This morning, I was doing the same thing... sorting! :| I successfully sorted 4K+ [AKB48] pictures and I am currently working on the 8K+ remaining. :\ I may not be able to finish doing it today. :[ The files are confusing me just because I needed it neatly sorted. With the dates and stuff but I can't remember the dates of some. And I'm deleting some that I don't find 'worth keeping'.

I am blogging now because I am taking a little time off as I was literally getting dizzy looking at the pictures. I can't believe I've saved so much pictures. :( And honestly, 2-3 years ago, I had almost 200K+ pictures that were left unsorted. -__-; Our computer crashed so those pics were never recovered. :(

I am going to continue right after I'm done with this. LOL.

Also, I had to remind myself to finish/continue watching all the animes I've started watching. :( I think I'm still in episode 16 of Darker than Black (黒の契約者), episode 5 of Uta no Prince-sama (うたの☆プリンスさまっ♪), episode 15 of Ao no Exorcist (青の祓魔師), episode 9 of No. 6, episode 19 of Pandora Hearts, and I can't remember where I stopped in One Piece because I read the manga instead. :[ I want to watch Durarara! ;___; But I have to finish Darker than Black and Pandora Hearts first then catch up with Uta no Prince-sama, Ao no Exorcist and No. 6. I have to do all that in 2 weeks since I am going to start my training on Sept. 26! :\

Speaking of training, I also need to read about the company and the people I'm gonna work with. -__- [And try to find a better job too]. I don't really like the company I'm going to work at or the job I'm gonna be doing but I have no choice for now. I have to earn money since it's the "BER" months already. Plus, I have to help in paying the bills. -__- Also, we're gonna be spending loads of money as the holiday seasons is coming. :\ I don't even know why we bother... we don't celebrate Christmas anyways. -__-

I'm gonna head back to sorting. I'm sorry this is such a boring post. :| I'm gonna try to post as much as I can everyday. Promise! :)

Reality Check

What have I been doing these past few months when I resigned from work? Honestly, I have no idea.

Originally, the plan was to move out of the country and find a job in Singapore. That didn't work out too well. A friend who went there as early as March and returned last May didn't get a job. :( So my hope was crushed. I tried to move on and try other things. My other friend who resigned a month earlier than me made me rethink my plans and has asked me if I want to go to Dubai instead, I kind of agreed. Kind of. Not much of an intention there but at least I tried, or not. Well, as you know that didn't work out too well either.

When I think back, I just couldn't find it in me to like the idea of going to Dubai. I hated the sun, I hate hot weather and where am I supposed to go? Middle East. Where the sun is hotter than normal. Or something. And it's not that the plan didn't work out well, I actually gave up. I couldn't find a job that suit my experience or my course for that matter. If you must know, I have yet to practice my college degree. -__- Though its a bit late for me to do that now. Ugh. How did it end up like this?

I kind of regretted taking up Computer Engineering. Not kind of. I really, really regret it. It wasn't my interest. It's a spur of a moment thing. It was a new course available in our school and I thought, "hey, it's Engineering and it doesn't have a licensure exam, it doesn't have accounting.. ok, I'll take you!" BIG MISTAKE. I'm not even that good in math [as you all know, all Engineering courses have loads of Math subjects]. I actually thought it would have been better if I listened to my parents and took up education. I'd like to teach young kids. Not pre-school young but those in elementary. ;___; I want to teach English or History. I love History. :[

Personal issues aside, I have some fandom related stuff to tackle. xD But first, I want to congratulate JYJ for doing an all-kill on the online charts since last night for their new song 'Get Out'. Though it's not really new, as it had been sung on concerts, but still, this is the studio version so it's sorta new. LOL.

What fandom stuff am I going to talk about? Well, you know how in tumblr -confessions is kind of a trend? I have this one [actually, there's a lot but this just tops it] confession that I'd like to share here. It's this one:

"When did we start caring more about what we want than their happiness?"

In twitter, you read a lot of things that people say about fandom, this fandom. It's been tough, we all know. It's been 2 years since the trio [Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu] filed for a lawsuit against SME and almost 2 years since we all last saw them together. I know the fandom is divided right now [pro-HoMin anti-JYJ, pro-JYJ anti-HoMin, OT5] and there are still those stupid fanwars going on everytime one division say something but I don't really know why some people has stopped caring more about the boys' happiness. It makes me sad.

There are people who want them to rush getting back and performing together as a group again. But we can't rush these things. We are stuck like this right now because we still have no idea how this lawsuit will end. That's why we have to wait. If you can't wait, people will understand. But don't push these thoughts as if it's just gonna happen because you want it to. If anything, I think our boys are more eager to meet again and be one again, but with the situation right now its just impossible.

Some people want Yunho & Changmin to stop promoting as a duo, as DBSK/TVXQ. I for one isn't comfortable calling them as such but I have nothing against them performing as DBSK/TVXQ. [Maybe a bit bitter when they sing group songs but still...] Why? Do you want them to just sit around and wait until this lawsuit ends? What if it takes more years? Are you that selfish to have them stop doing what they love to do, performing? They're getting older and the time they have to perform for us is getting more and more limited. They want this. They deserve to do what they know will make them happy. 

Others want Jaejoong, Yoochun & Junsu to stop pushing for their dreams. Just like Yunho & Changmin, they deserve to do what they want. They're fighting for what they want and what's wrong with that? Stop bringing these boys down as if they don't have enough trials to get over with. I know they appear strong but as fans, should they really be the one to comfort us and be strong for us? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

I know, it hurts. Every night, I go through the same pain as you all are. And every night I wonder if what's happening now is really what makes each one of them happy. I know, we're hurt.. but can you imagine how much more pain this has caused them? Sure, they're men but they are not just some random men who were put together and got separated like nothing. They're friends. I know these things have not turned for the better for both sides but for now, we have to keep supporting them for this is what makes them happy. We might see a 'sad' smile, 'faked' laugh.. but we can't keep wanting things from these boys. They're human too. They might appear strong but they have feelings too. 

Let's not hope for things that would make us happy, let's hope for the things that will make them the happiest. Even if it hurts, because that's what a fan do. Wish for her idols' happiness no matter how much pain it will cause you.

Success?

I deemed it a success, knowing how little knowledge I have when it comes to html editing. :) So ok, I can really start blogging for real now. :)

As you may not know [or know], I tend to have lots of things to say. You can tell if you read my previous blogs [jaejungho on LJ, dreamofkirsten on blogdrive] or just follow me on twitter [dreamofkirsten]. I am random too. But most of the times, I talk about DBSK [all 5], AKB48 and BlockB. There are times when I talk about other people too. Lol. Rare times though. Rare times.

This blog may turn into a fangirling lair so I would like to apologize in advance. xD I'm going to start officially blogging like I used to, tomorrow. :)

So till tomorrow~

Restart

Hi. ^^

I've thought about starting a new blog though I still have 2 existing ones. I have LJ but I am not using it for posting anything anymore. It's become a part of my life but for me it's already a closed chapter, so I'm starting a new one here on blogger/blogspot. I also have a tumblr account but it's not something personal, its just something I keep to make sure I still keep up with the new pictures or information about fandom. :)

Usually, this is the part that I hate the most. Restarting something and introducing myself. I suck at introduction. I can say my name, my interest, what I do, or what I'd love to do but it doesn't usually come out right. So please spare me. I think the only thing I can tell you now is that my name is Christine, I am a Filipina and I am a huge DBSK/THSK/HoMin/JYJ and AKB48 fangirl. It doesn't matter if I can't tell you lots of things about me now, as this will be my new blogging site, I will be posting almost everyday. You'll learn more about me eventually. And well, I answer meme occasionally so you can get answers to some questions too.

My goal for today ahm rather tonight is to customize this blog. I have zero photoshop skills let alone html editing so I know I'm gonna suck at this but I'll see what I can do. :) As long as it is to my liking, I wouldn't be too pissed not to continue. lmao.

So I guess that's it for now. You'll see me a lot, I swear. xD Ta-ta for now! ^^